Meet Me At The OTB

I want to double this Christmas money.

Fast.

My City Was Gone

There’s a NASCAR store in the mall here now.

Jared said “this whole town looks like a hockey game just let out.”

Click Here To See Proof I Exist

Last night at a bar I saw something that really upset me.

It wasn’t seeing the tall guy an ex-girlfriend cheated on me with, or seeing this same guy making out with some dirty (literally) girl like the ship was going down.

It also wasn’t the Three Stooges antics of The Tenessee Titans on Monday Night Football (down by four, with fourteen seconds left in the fourth quarter, and one time out remaining, the Titans attempted a hook-and-ladder play but fumbled, surrendering a final, humiliating touchdown to the Chiefs).

Nope. It was the three people hogging the video game table; snorting lines of cocaine off of it and playing nothing but Galaga, when they could have been playing Ms. Pac Man.

I’m not going to give a lecture on the negative aspects of cocaine.

But it was Monday night.

A Monday night in Greenpoint.

Fuck Galaga too.

Shitty Book

I just finished “Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs” by Chuck Klosterman, a senior writer at Spin magazine, a magazine no one should bother with.

His writing style is called “associative,” which I guess means he compares one thing to something else and makes incongruous references to bands and songs that are meaningful to him. In an essay about the video game “The Sims” he unnecessarily quotes lyrics from the Talking Heads song “Once In A Lifetime.” He reminds me of me when I was younger. He also has a fixation on being the crazy or weird one of his friends. Apparently he dated a girl once, and everyone compared them to Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen (he somehow doesn’t notice they’re actually being compared to characters in a movie).

This is a picture of Chuck Klosterman:



That man has never woken up from a drug binge next to his dead girlfriend in a blood soaked hotel room. He couldn’t play the part convincingly in a movie either.